It’s wet – so what do staycation holidaymakers do to make the best of things?
According to that great British institution the Daily Mash, they look in estate agents’ windows.
In fact, come rain or shine, that is what they do each and every holiday.
They gaze in estate agents’ windows for 20 minutes at a time, looking at properties they will never buy, and taking a particular interest in their prices.
Nikki Hollis, holidaying on the Yorkshire coast, said: “Not cheap around here. £280k for a two-bed bungalow that needs work. Still I bet the schools are good.
“A lot more affordable than ****** Cornwall last year. Three hundred and fifty grand for a two-bed terrace with ‘sea glimpses’. We talked about that all day and eventually the kids joined in. It was much better than going to the beach.
“Ah, that year we went to Shropshire? Fantastic fortnight. In Oswestry you’re getting three beds for under two hundred. Shame the area was so ****.”
Julian Cook, holidaying in Wales, said: “It’s different for us. Being from London, we could easily turn our two-bed flat over a chip shop into a palatial coastal property.
“But we can’t because of our idiotic metropolitan jobs and pathetic urban lifestyle.”
We have new metropolitan neighbours, they paid over to odds for a ‘posh*’ version of our shed by the sea, they’ve just put in planning to pull down the shed and dig down 3 storeys into the sand so everyone in Pimlico can visit and be all surfer shorts or flouncy frock and sandals for the weekend.
The agent in me meant I had to mention the high water table would see all the subterranean stuff flooded by the communal well in the main boudoir. It might save them the ****, ****, **** bit of their grand design build when the costs escalates as the unconsidered cost of tanking in sandy soil explodes beyond their budget just as interest rates rise and London prices crash.
Looking on the bright side a big hole in the ground full of fresh water next door would save us the walk down to the sea
(*the previous Rolls Royce engineer made sure the horizontal bits were horizontal, vertical bits vertical and all the diagonals were even, ours all a bit wonky)
**** 5 hit
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Sandy Soil … didn’t she win the Euro-vision song contest
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