And here to infuriate us all is a prediction list from – boo, hiss! – eMoov’s Russell Quirk.
Before you ask, we didn’t commission it. It simply turned up in our inbox.
The Quirkster has volunteered his forecasts in the spirit of wanting to “get the forum’s vitriol flowing”.
He said: “I thought that it might be fun to compile my very own list of what will happen within the industry next year. Some may or may not be tongue in cheek.”
Vitriol anyone? Or just a pantomime?
- Online agents will still exist on Dec 31st 2016
- Actually, so will most high street agents too.
- OnTheMarket will shrink (further) to become just a specialist London based portal dealing with postcodes W1 and SW1 only. And will be acquired by Zoopla in a deal worth several dozens of pounds.
- Ian Springett is fired and immediately sets up another website called ‘DowntheMarket’, a recruitment portal for unemployed Prime Central London estate agents.
- One of the listed estate agency groups, in a ‘Blockbuster / Netflix realisation moment’, mistakenly acquires/invests in a proper online agent but then delights in an immediate 25% share price bump.
- PeeBee and Robert May are discovered to be aliens sent to attack Earth by reversing common sense and logic through persistent, ludicrous arguments. Both are sectioned.
- Russell Quirk becomes Sir Russell Quirk, knighted for Services to the Property Industry.
- Someone, somewhere, remembers why the NAEA exists.
- Rightmove buys Tesco and launches a ‘Premium Listing’ range of foods. Profits increase to £8bn per day.
- Stelios announces ‘easyAir’, the opportunity to invest in his new venture which sells oxygen to the masses packaged in little orange cans. The venture raises £100m on a valuation of £6 trillion despite criticisms that only four cans have been sold and that was because they were mistaken for Tango.