Owners of £1m apartments in an exclusive London block have been scandalised by the revelation that someone actually lives there.

Prince Rashad Al Maddah said: “This used to be a lovely mixed-use residential and high-end retail complex.

“You could stand out on your balcony and hear nothing but the gentle hum of your property accumulating value before returning to your suite at the Dorchester.

“But the other weekend I noticed a man dodging furtively into the elevator like he actually knew the place.

“Turns out he’s been living there full-time. Food in the cupboards, sleeping in the bed, showering, the lot.”

As a result of the revelation, more than three-quarters of the apartments overlooking the Thames are now up for sale.

The alleged occupant, bond trader Joseph Turner, said: “I know I’ve broken the service agreement, but my place in Dubai’s tied up in my divorce, the apartment in Paris is being sublet and the house in the Cotswolds was set on fire for tax reasons.”

It’s a joke, we hasten to add.

But a bit near the bone, perhaps, for some Londoners.

The spoof story on the Daily Mash is here