This, That and Very Little of the Other – Trevor Kent may muse in future editions

Our glamorous and perspicacious editrix has asked me if I would care to revisit my ramblings of yesteryear that used to appear haphazardly in that other publication which used to be so good (the e-magazine, not my ramblings).

I wanted to entitle them ‘Something for the Weekend’ again, only to discover that title has been purloined – I was well and truly gazumped.

Never mind, writing now more in the style of old fart than incisive property market insider, my new title is probably far more pertinent – especially at my age.

For those newer to the honourable profession of estate agency, let me explain who this tw.t is whose drivel you’re are now reading (if, indeed you are).

I’ve been an estate agent since 1965, no – don’t do the maths, please.

I was sacked three times by my first employer. I went back twice saying “You didn’t really mean it, did you?” But the third time they said “Please don’t come back this time, Trevor. At 20, you really shouldn’t be telling the partners they’re doing it all wrong.”

In the late sixties one just didn’t open up one’s own firm as a one-man band at so tender an age, especially in a prosperous stockbroker belt town.

To try to compete with long established ‘chartered’ posh and big (in those days 7/8 branches was a monolith) firms was damn nigh impossible.

However, needs must when you’re hungry. So I did. Those of you who know me by sight will attest to the fact that I’ve been hungry every since, but made hourly attempts to assuage the pangs – with the inevitable result.

I still sit in my single office (on occasion, when I have to) dreading the arrival of an applicant, and having to listen once again to those fibs – “own house sold/nothing to sell, mortgage offer with my solicitor for previous purchase at more than I want to spend now (would you believe vendor pulled out day before exchange) / I’m CASH”– and my favourite, “my word is my bond”.

I also became a media spokesman for our industry, determined to make the public love us a little.

If you find Eugene Weber’s 250-page tome “The Book of Business Quotations” published in 1991, there you will find my, what is known now as a mission statement (yuk), on page 85 – “We are human you know, I’m on a crusade to make people love us. Many would say the attempt is futile and the battle was lost when the first estate agent was born. Never mind, I’m on my charger. And no one knows more about charging than estate agents.”

There is another quote in there from me too, but we won’t dwell on it as it involved a property crash and my search for a chaplain to comfort agents haplessly staring into oblivion, sale-less and broke. There were suicides.

If you can bear it, I shall try occasionally to report in coming weeks on the sort of things this old fart estate agent does to while away the days when his sons suggest “We really don’t need you in, Dad, at the moment” (ever again hopefully, under their respective breaths) which will probably involve restaurant reports, test drives in cars I cannot afford (why should car salespeople not suffer the same as us on property viewings?), and general moans about portals, Mansion Tax, Stamp Duty and things!

If more readers comment “For God’s sake, NO, Trevor” than “Great –looking forward to it”, you can rest assured I shall take the hint and my stubby fingers shall no longer trouble the keyboard, or you.

Have a good weekend – Big T.