Is there a frustrated poet at Sutton Coldfield estate agents Amity Properties? Or could this be a case of a vendor insisting on doing their own write-up?
Whichever, these are no ordinary property particulars – even parking the car proves a lyrical experience, with the gravel managing to be both soft and crunchy.
“Pull up in the car port beside the generous double garage and step out on to the sweeping driveway. Take a moment to drink in the restful peace of your spot here.
“Serene and still, save for the soft crunch of gravel underfoot as you step alongside the perfectly pruned box hedging, the established array of oak and silver birch trees heralding your approach to the classic solid wood art deco front door.
“Come inside. Welcome! Leave your coat and your cares at the door as you step along the solid wooden floor of the entrance hall. Ahead of you an intriguing timber-railed staircase beckons, but for now follow us through to the decadent drawing room.
“Sit back on the sumptuous sofa and allow the sheer opulence of this room to sink in. Stretch out in front of the toasty crackling fire, radiant in its solid stone surround, perfect for those crisp winter evenings. Pour a glass of velvety red as the glow from the open fire picks out the regal tones of your palatial surroundings. Bliss.”
Poetic inspiration does not falter even when it comes to the downstairs loo.
“Follow us through, once you have broken your reverie, to the delightful downstairs cloakroom. Perfectly positioned for guests and visitors, this amply serviced room even comes replete with built in under stairs storage, ideal for storing muddy boots after a bracing afternoon’s amble around your neighbouring woodland.”
The dining room is “grandiose” and somewhere to rustle up a “hearty boeuf bourguignon or impress with seared scallops and minted pea dressing”.
We think this makes these the first estate agency particulars in the world to suggest a menu.
As for going up the staircase – described, naturally, as “ascending”: “The starlight twinkles through the windows, lighting your way ahead. As you reach the first floor landing, glance upwards as you are bathed in light from the glow of the full moon overhead as it shines through the vaulted apex window.”
In the dressing room, the magic continues as you “carefully select your most ostentatious outfit”.
The garden is nothing less than a green oasis, where the “sounds of birdsong soothe your soul”.
Crikey. It’s certainly changed our perceptions of Sutton Coldfield!
It has made us realise that we should launch a new sister series to our ever-popular Picture of the Week.
Suggestions for Particulars of the Week are welcome, so do get in touch.
http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-71738114.html
Good grief. Has Barbara Cartland been exhumed?
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I for one am happier seeing this then estate agents listing dimmer switches or picture rails.
Or the new fad of just a short description of a property followed by a list of room measurements.
Although the details are a little over the top at least the agent realise’s you need to sell lifestyle not just bricks and mortar.
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Unsurprisingly…. “It’s a Yes from me”.
Where art thou ye old Sales Particulars.
Next along…. person in costume, ringing handbell and announcing “ Ye Property For Sale”.
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Goodness me. Never thought I’d see the words soporific, spritz, fluffiest and bounteous bedrooms in an agent’s details. I’d buy it just for the architectural links to Birmingham Town Hall!
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Vendor Marketing Update:
” It has been a slow week for viewings, probably due to the weather but looking at your rightmove stats, it’s getting a fair amount of clicks. Interestingly on Monday, 26,900 people looked at your property details.”
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