In the most delicate fashion, our comely editrix suggested my severe writer’s block of recent months deserved attention.

The choice, she suggested, was either temporary removal from the Contributors’ List until normal service resumed naturally, or calling in DynoRod.

I opted for the latter on the basis that the short-term pain would be preferable to long-term anonymity.

The problem is that, the older I get, the less attractive both I and our industry become!

T’was a time when it was fun, now it seems to be a never-ending procession of legislative nonsense  imposed from on high by bureaucrats and politicians who, one could perhaps assume, had never bought or sold a property in their lives.

Blightmove, Poopla and On the Parquet drone on about their relative merits and the inadequacies of their competitors ad nauseam, whilst all I want to do is sell enough property to afford their continually escalating charges.

I can’t even bring myself to drop local paper advertising to help with the costs, although I’m convinced that the venerable Buckinghamshire Advertiser fails to sell more than a dozen or so copies, and their innovative addition of salt-and-vinegar ink has not even increased distribution in our local chippies (each one of which I know intimately, of course).

At least one gets some idea of efficacy with the portals, but how can one tell if local paper advertising works – ideas on a postcard please?

Just this second had a call from BBC Radio asking me to contribute in a few hours time on the subject of the latest proposals for ‘Right to Buy’.

However, once the researcher/booker heard I was not in favour, he terminated the conversation at once with ‘Ah, we only want someone who supports it’.

Some things never change. In my early days as a property market spokesman the same BBC spent ages with me talking about their perception of ‘rogue estate agents’.

As you would expect I put up a stout defence, but was prepared to admit to a few rotten apples. The result was, and I quote almost word for word, ‘Thank you Trevor for your insight and for putting the other side – we really do need a spokesperson from your profession, but could you put someone other than yourself forward who sounds more Arthur Daley?’!

Went for a  week to Southern Ireland recently to try and forget slow searches, mortgage rejections and chain-breaks.

Centred on the lovely town of Killarney the current LGF* and I travelled the area marvelling on the countryside, the mountains and the lovely people. We stayed at a smashing hotel – the five star Dunloe Castle which had everything we needed and some things I didn’t, like a gym, walking trails and tennis courts!!

They, having heard I write a bit and that thousands of estate agents hang on my every word, upgraded us to a splendid room with a view to die for; I haven’t yet – so here’s their ‘mention’ in full and final payment!!

Never quite leaving the office behind, I was taken with quite the largest FSBO** advert I’ve ever seen on a small mid-terrace, and I only hope the vendor had a queue at his door after such a display of initiative in marketing.

As you can see, the thirsty motorist is also well catered for, when we rounded a Kerry corner and came upon Guinness’s nemesis offering their very likeable product by the gallon!

There was even a well intentioned and instructive card in the adjoining pub’s gentleman’s convenience to explain how to dispose of the aftermath of the pump’s activity!

If I can summon up the energy to communicate with you good people of the land again soon – I will, and dear Ros please don’t strike me off yet.

There are still a few bon mots left in the pipeline, it’s just that peristaltic action slows with age!

Have a good weekend one and all – Big T.

* Lady Girl Friend

** For Sale by Owner